Beinge transgender is one of the first topics we've covered in this class, and as it happens I think I've met the first transgender I've actually become close to. I started working as a temp for a child care center a couple weeks ago and me and her work in the same office. At first, it never crossed my mind. What first brought it to my attention was the language she uses. She uses the words bro, dude, and son (slang term) a lot. Then after a few days I began to notice some of her features; very small facial hair stubs around her mouth, more arm hair than is normal on females, and strong body structure. As the days still go on I feel myself becoming more convinced that she is a male-to-female. A couple days ago, the questions started popping into my head; "Will there ever be a time where I can just ask her?" "How would she react?" Does she suspect that I'm wondering certain things about her?"
I personally don't mind either way. No matter what her situation is I'll always view her as a female. It's more of a matter of being curious; I feel like I have to know everything that's going on, especially around me. If we are going to be working together for an extended period of time and we have already built a rapport, I feel like it's something I'm going to wind up asking somewhere along the road. When is the right time though, if there is one? Should I just wait until she's comfortable enough to bring it up herself? Do other people I work with know? Should I just ask one of them if she's ever brought it up?
I actually felt a little weird around her once I began thinking about it. I felt like saying the wrong things around her might make her feel uncomfortable. We were talking about shows on MTV one day, for example. We began talking about the last Real World season, which happened to have a transgender as one of the roommates. I just began talking about the people on the show and I was thinking about bringing this particular person up at one point. On one hand, I guess I was trying to get a reaction out of her to see if she gave any hints away. I decided not to though, feeling like possible 'putting her on the spot' might not be the right move.
Either way, meeting her has definitely opened my mind a little bit. I'm not going to lie and say I never looked at people like that and thought they were freaks and something was wrong with them. On the other hand, even though I'm almost positive she is transgender, this could all be in my head and my lack of experience around people like that are just putting thoughts in my head. This isn't just a moment I'm sharing, but I'm also wondering if anyone could possibly give me feedback as to how to deal with a situation like this. Worst case scenario, I never find out and we maintain the same friendship we;ve built, which has been a good one.
I am surprised to read that no one commented on blog this week. It was an interesting post, honest and brave to share your feelings and thoughts here. Think how brave your co-worker is to live her life honestly? My question to you is do you analyze everyone's gender when you form relationships? Why not approach this co-worker as a person and connect with her thoughts and feelings like I am assuming you do with others despite their gender roles....
ReplyDeleteEureka Moment #2
ReplyDeleteI spent the last four days camping in the wilderness in Pennsylvania. It was beautiful. I learned numerous things while on my trip, but one new understanding stands out. Upon arriving at the campground, I was greeted by naked people. Not half naked, or sort of naked, but fully naked people. I was disgusted, startled, angry, and uncomfortable. Having the Judeo-Christian understanding of nudity post-fall of Adam and Eve, I thought these people to be horrendous for deciding to walk around naked. I thought they were removing the sacredness from something that was beautiful and meant to be shared only with their lover. Though I still believe that there is something special about reserving nakedness for the our significant others, I became to see nudity as something else. I began to see it as simple, and natural, and did not connect the normal words of "whores" to the site of flesh. This made me think of how I view women who show a lot of skin, whether it be cleavage at the work place, or all or most of their butts in shorts during the summer. I realized that I would automatically think these women were loose or gross, simply because they liked to show off their bodies. That is because the understanding of physical beauty is usually linked to sexuality. Though some forms of dress may seem trashy, it does not give me enough proof of who someone truly is.
Posted by Maria's Blog for Gender and Communication at 8:19 PM
Ed Johnson said...
Maria,
I personally would have no clue what to do a saw a person or group of people completely nude in public; I would most likely be speechless and scared they might come up and try to start a conversation. These people must have an extremely high level of beliefs and self-awareness of what they feel because they have to know thay people stare constantly. I actually have respect for them, but they still freak me out a little
As far as labeling levels of clothing with a woman's sexuality, I used to think the same way about females; maybe I still do a little. However, I actually know a couple of ladies who dress more raunchy than most other females I know, but they happen to be virgins. One of them is also waiting for marriage before she has sex. I think it's all in being comfortable, just like most men like to wear what makes them feel comfortable.
May 29, 2009 3:26 PM